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Choosing Life Over Abortion

The following are direct quotes from real women and families who have given me permission to reprint their story

See also adoption stories
Received April 2001
I hope this reaches you because I have been crying each time I read a message on your site. The ones about regrets made me cry, and I also cried when I read about those who chose to keep their babies. I have a similar story to share.

My son will be 4 in August. And in 1997 when I found out I was pregnant, I made a very stupid decision. After thinking over and over about how my parents would react when my boyfriend and I told them we were expecting a baby, I decided that I would not be able to handle the situation. It would be horrifying for my parents who were raising 5 children with very strict Catholic beliefs. The fact that their "innocent" daughter was out having sex was going to be devastating. I was scared out of my mind. I was also in college at the time and did not know how I could bring a baby into this world. I had always been against abortion, but when I was in that situation I didn't know what else to do. My boyfriend was not entirely comfortable with the idea, but he was almost afraid to say so because he thought I knew what I was doing. I called a clinic and made an appointment for a Monday morning.

That weekend, I visited my two best friends from high school and told them about what was happening. Well, one friend already knew and while she did not agree with me (she also had a baby out of wedlock at a young age) she wasn't going to force me to do something I did not want to do. The other friend immediately began to say how I simply could not go through with it, that I didn't have a choice. I had chosen to have unprotected premarital sex, and now I had to live with the consequence. I kept saying "NO, I can't! My parents will KILL me!" She said, "Look, your parents are going to be mad at first but they will get over it sooner or later. You cannot take the life of this baby just because you are afraid of your parents!" And then she said: If you leave here today telling me that you are going to have an abortion, I WILL CALL YOUR PARENTS and tell them what is going on and make them stop you from killing your baby. And even though for an instant I hated her for saying that, those words helped change my mind. I knew she would do it. So my parents would know not only that I was pregnant but that I was trying to get rid of that unborn child. Then for sure they would kill me!

It was a loooooong night. I didn't get home until almost midnight and I was somewhat glad I had told her before doing it. On Sunday I talked to my boyfriend and he was so relieved! He said that he would not have been able to go through with it, he had actually called me to talk me out of it too. On Monday, instead of an abortion clinic, I visited Planned Parenthood, where they told me about all the help they could offer during my stressful moments. I spent that whole day with my friend and her husband talking about how I would go about telling my parents. When my boyfriend and I finally told them, they were NOT happy. But they also didn't kick me out like I thought they would. They offered as much support as two very hurt human beings could. I now have two children and a wonderful husband. I cringe when I think about the horrible fate that my incredibly cute, energetic and smart son might have had if I had not revealed my plans to a very good friend. God was watching over my son, and He made me share my secret so that my son's life would be saved. No, things have not been easy sometimes. My husband and I are still struggling to pay the debt we acquired while he finished college. And it wasn't easy for him because he had a son to help me take care of. But my son has been worth every single financial hardship that my husband and I have encountered! I encourage ANYONE who is even thinking about abortion to give your baby a chance to live! We as humans have NO RIGHT to take away the precious gift of life that only God can give us. If you are alone and afraid, there is help out there for you! Consider adoption, too. It may be difficult to give up a child after you have carried it in your womb for 9 months, but do you think it will be easier to kill that same baby?
Anonymous Received June 1999
Christina's Story
Received April 1999
Twenty-seven years ago, I was about 4 mo. Pregnant, and was in a very bad marriage. I knew of a place where I could obtain an illegal abortion. I made the appt. and the day before I was to go, I thought I felt movement and did not make the appt. Am I glad I didn't (I now know the Lord was looking out for me and my twins), I ended up giving birth to twins, a boy and girl. Well, now the girl is my best friend and has blessed me with two wonderful grandchildren (a boy 6 and a girl 4). Oh how I love my grandchildren. Her twin brother is a pastor of a church in Cordova, AL and has blessed me with a darling 6mo. granddaughter, my son also teaches school. When my son was attending bible college, he sang in a college quartet and the bass singer was killed in a car wreck. At the funeral the minister was telling the congregation that he had just been a couple weeks before to a concert where the quartet was singing and ministering. He then said T.J. Johnson preached that night and the alter was lined with young people giving their lives to Christ. I immediately took note......he's talking about my boy T.J. Johnson. Then I thought had I went through with that abortion years ago some of these young people may have never met Christ. They might have missed their opportunity. How thankful I am that I never made that appointment!!
Gina Smitherman
Received March 1999
I was pregnant at 15 years old a sophomore in high school I had a boyfriend who I thought I was so In love with. We had sex, I got pregnant I was scared, ashamed, embarrassed. He acted like it was no big deal and we could handle it. I knew I wasn't ready or able to handle it. Abortion was never a thought I had. I tried to pretend that it wasn't real and put it in the back of my mind for months. My mom was on her second marriage and pregnant herself she was so happy about having another baby I didn't want to take away from that happiness with what I had done wrong so I didn't tell her. She had her from someone in town that I was about five months pregnant she asked me and I lied. She asked me again two months later with a pregnancy test in hand and that's when she knew. I was seven months pregnant she was nearly eight. The next thing she asked was what I thought of adoption I had always thought when a baby was adopted it was taken from you and never heard from again, so went visited the adoption agency and I learned about it and decided that was what I wanted. I found a wonderful family for my son. My mom delivered my brother two weeks before I had my son. He is a happy four year old now. I get wonderful pictures and beautiful letters of his life as he grows. My mom and I dream of the day when we will see him again. Well I didn't learn my lesson that time. Three years later I was pregnant again. I had just graduated high school and decided to keep the baby. His father and I are now married and have a beautiful fifteen month old son. I still think it was very early to start a family but it was what I thought was right. So if any of you are thinking about abortion think again there are so many other options.

If anyone would like help or has questions for me feel free to email me at Pwolfsong@webtv.com
Received January 1999
I would like to tell you a story about a woman I knew. Lucia (loo-see-a) was in her early twenties when she met Joseph -the man who was to become her husband- at a church sponsored dance. Together, this woman and her husband decided that the ideal family they would like to build together, given God's grace and blessing, would include exactly three children. Through eleven years together, God provided according to their desires and His will. He gave three healthy children! Two boys and a girl in the middle.

When the children were just 7, 4 and 2 years old, Lucia felt a familiar physical feeling come over her - she believed that she might be pregnant for a fourth time. She visited the family doctor to confirm the pregnancy she suspected and undergo a routine exam. Lucia was indeed pregnant for a fourth child, but early during this unexpected time the doctor discovered a problem and he hospitalized her immediately - she had cancer raging uncontrolled in her colon. The doctor and surgeon prescribed an abortion and surgery to remove the cancer as the best possible treatment they could offer.

All too often in this country, if you have a serious illness while you are pregnant, the doctors' typical approach is to abort, then treat. This is not the practice in many countries that have a lower infant mortality rate and maternal death rate than the U.S. In reality, there are few, and seldom occurring, medical reasons to abort. However, women are typically given two "choices": you have an abortion and get adequate treatment OR try to keep the child while risking death.

Lucia is just 35 years old and less than 2 months into her pregnancy. She and her husband already have three small children. Exactly what they had "planned." She had given up a fashion design career she had begun when she was single to have and care for the family she bore. Lucia was deeply devoted to her three small children and husband. They all needed her. The baby growing inside of her is less than an inch long. The fetus already looks human. Brain waves are present in the growing baby. The eyes, ears, nose, toes and fingers are formed, the heart is beating for its fourth week and blood (of a possibly different type from the mother) flows. Reflexes occur and parts of the skin are sensitive to touch. Fingerprints have started to form along with lines on palms of the hands. But, Lucia's life is in mortal danger, she is just 35 years old, and she has much to do and to live for. The baby's life is in mortal danger. He is just 8 weeks old. His mother's womb has suddenly become a very dangerous place to live, but - he has no "choice."

Lucia made a decision -not last year, -not ten years ago, nor even 20 years ago, -but over 40 years ago in the fall of 1955!

Consider for a moment the state of medicine and cancer treatment at that time. There were no magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) machines or computed tomography (CAT) scans available for carefully calculated precise measurement and diagnosis of the growing cancer. Crude chemotherapy treatments were available, but, laser or orthoscopic surgery tools or sophisticated biochemical treatments were not. Cancer was greatly feared- justifiably so, because there was remarkably little that doctors could do but possibly isolate the cancer by surgical removal. Slim hopes usually relied on surgery and getting it all, if possible.

In Lucia's situation, what would you decide?

If you were the loving husband of Lucia and father of three small children, what would you say to your wife?

Lucia understood God's perspective in this situation. We think that the decision for her was clear. Why? Simply put, she knew what was right. Lucia knew she must trust God, and be obedient. Lucia was determined to keep the child, a gift from God, the author of life, the creator of all things. Deut 30:19-20:

"I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse; therefore choose life, that you and your descendants may live, loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice, and cleaving to him; for that means life to you and length of days..."

This became very real for Lucia. Recently, a first-hand witness told me, "From the very beginning she was determined to carry you to term." You see, I am the fourth child. My mother underwent surgery in October of 1955 at about 8 weeks of pregnancy to remove most of her colon. The operation was successful, and only through the grace of God, and the right choice, was I born in 1956. Praise God. My mother had a second surgery after the birth. As a result, she lived the rest of her life with a colostomy.

". . . for that means life to you and length of days . . ."

God blessed my mother and father, my two brothers and sister and myself with a complete cure of my mother's cancer. He blessed all of us with another 39 years of life for my mother. Long enough that she could witness the birth of all of her grandchildren. They would grow old enough to have their own memories of her. We were all blessed by God's preservation. The Lord finally brought her home in 1995.

He brought her much comfort and peace as her health failed, gently and mercifully putting her mind at ease. His providence was truly amazing as time and time again he sent her just what she needed to move from this life to him with grace and mercy.

I am so grateful to be alive. I have two children of my own. God revealed his plan for my wife and I through this and has verified for us many times that our pro-life ministry is part of his purpose for us, according to his plan. When I think of my mother I am aware of the immense value of human life. I remember and celebrate the truth - that life is a gift from God, and that all human life, born and unborn, is sacred. The word of God says in Genesis 1:27:

"So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

We know God as the Creator of ALL things, yet this verse singles out man and gives him SPECIAL value. Each individual gains priceless value from being made, fashioned, and formed in the image of God. Deuteronomy 27:24-25

"Cursed is the man who accepts a bribe to kill an innocent person ... " God demands something from us regarding the holocaust of abortion. As he said in Genesis 9:5-6:

"And for your lifeblood I will surely demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from each man, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of his fellow man. "

Proverbs 24:11 'Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering towards slaughter."

God offers his grace and forgiveness and salvation to everyone, regardless of the sins of the past.

The Sanctity Of Human Life applies not only to the unborn, but to others. If innocent babies can be so easily tossed away by the millions, could forced infanticide or euthanasia be far behind for the handicapped, the elderly, the disabled or terminally ill?

Is my life still in danger of being taken against my will because of the lack of respect for simple human life? You bet it is.

James A. Sieffert
Received January 1999
Although many people accuse pro-lifers of not knowing what it is like to raise a child as a single mom, I feel I have come as close to this experience as I can without having to go through it myself. You see, I can still remember standing by the wet bar when my mom told me that my younger sister, who was sixteen at the time, was going to have a baby. I was in shock. What was going to happen to her? What would she decide were just some of the thoughts and fears that went through my head.

My parents told my sister that they would support her no matter what decision she made, however, abortion was never a viable option in her eyes. After looking at the options, she decided to raise her son at home with help of my parents. Although many people questioned her decision and told her she would not amount to anything if she kept the child, she completed high school and went on to study interior design in one of the most prestigious colleges at Arizona State University, finally graduating from College last may. All the while raising her son at home without the Father. She just recently married and moved into her own home with her husband. Her son Ricky celebrates his 7th birthday on Wednesday and he has proven to be the little brother that I never had. Throughout the holidays he has been thoroughly spoiled by several sets of Grandparents, and a whole group of Aunts and Uncles who know he is the greatest!

Some people say that my sister "is one of the lucky ones" and that the option she chose is not for everyone. While it is certainly true that some women, in far worse circumstances than my sister was in have no choice but to give up their children for adoption; I resent the implication that she just simply lucked out. The decision to raise her son at home was not easy and it involved a lot of sacrifices on her part as well as hard work for our family to make room for a new child in our lives. Furthermore, every child, no matter how dark the circumstances of their birth has a right to life that we as a society are obligated to honor. The fact that we don't is simply criminal.

Having said that, don't think for a minute that it was obligation that motivated my parents and my sister. Loving Ricky is a gift and a privilege and I feel for those who have had to give up their children for adoption due to circumstances. However, what having Ricky in our lives has taught us is that this society needs to make room for children rather than aborting them before they were born or causing the women who choose to have their children to suffer. We need to come beside women who are raising their children without fathers by increasing educational opportunities and support services and help those women who give up their babies for adoption. Making room for the children of single women will involve sacrifice and hard work as a society, but boy will it be worth it. Furthermore, children deserve it and the basic human right to life demands it.

Received November 1998
I was adopted when I was 7 years old. My parents abandoned me and my older sister and we were put in to foster homes. Because of some emotional problems my sister experienced, we were placed in different homes. She got the better of the two homes, and eventually I was placed there too. This all happened between the ages of 4 and 7. I thank God every day for the parents He gave me. My situation was different from most-- aren't they all!!-- but adoption is a wonderful thing! I was reading some articles about abortion and it made me think of my own son. When I was 17, almost 18, I was raped and as a result of that I became pregnant. It would have been so easy for me to have aborted my son, but I knew that abortion is the murder of an innocent baby, so I would not do it. This happened in July of 1995, and in August I went away to college. When I finally realized I was pregnant I told no one. I felt like there was no where I could turn. I felt like if my parents knew (my father was a minister) they would be disappointed in me. Of course, I was wrong, but I didn't know that. Finally in December I told them. They were very supportive of me and let me decide whether or not to keep the baby. I decided to keep him and I named him Nathaniel, which means gift of God. He has truly been a gift to me. In 1997 I married a wonderful man named David who couldn't love little Nate more if he had been his father. David and I are expecting a baby in March. We are so excited!! God has truly blessed me.
Barb Southards [davebarb@dnet.net]
Received October 1998
My organization Life's Harvest Family Center, has been running for 2 years. The center is run my mother and I. My reason for starting this center is because when I was pregnant with my last baby, I went to Mid Town Abortion Clinic in Atlanta with all intentions of aborting Alexa. I felt that I had no one to turn to. I already had two children, and my husband abandoned us. I felt that there was no way that I could support another child, I was going through deep depression, and I hated Alexa because I blamed her for my (ex) husband leaving us so abruptly after I told him that I was once again pregnant.

I was hurt, embarrassed, and ashamed. For the first time in my life, I had to go on public assistance. I definitely had to get rid of this child. I went into the clinic, paid the money, and say down to wait. There were so many women that were there ahead of me, who were there for the only purpose of paying someone to suck the life out of someone who they created; someone who was as much a part of them, as they were themselves. Women who probably felt as hopeless as I did, and had no where else to turn. I met a woman named Veronica who was 8 months pregnant. How could anyone carry a child that long and then murder it? I didn't even know that abortion was possible that far along in a pregnancy. I listened to Veronica's story and I broke down and started crying. This was as natural as birth control for her. This was her 4th abortion. How could I live with myself if I killed my child? How would my family survive if I didn't?

Needless to say, I was crying so hard that I had to go outside for some air. That is where I met Kathleen. Kathleen works at a Crisis Pregnancy Center called Women 4 Women. She talked to me and helped me to realize that I had no right whatsoever in deciding if my baby should live or die. My baby was there and it was my responsibility as a woman, a mother, and a human to bring this child into the world. Kathleen showed me that there was hope and help for myself, my family, and my baby. Women 4 Women did so much for me. They assisted me financially, and gave me all the things that I needed for my new baby. They even gave me clothes for my other children. They are about 3 hours or more away from my home but they came here to help me. I owe Kathleen the life of my child.

Still, that is not my only reason for starting the center. My mother is dealing with depression from an abortion. Every year around the time of my brother or sister's murder, my mother gets very depressed and cries a lot. My baby sister had an abortion when I was pregnant with Alexa. Alexa was born in September, and her little girl was due to be born in December. They had the gall to tell Ericka that there was a little girl in her womb, at the abortion clinic. My sister told me that she wanted to walk out at that point, but she was afraid to. My niece, and my brother or sister are both dead by the hands of serial murderers. Both my mother, and my sister said that they were under the notion that the baby wasn't a baby. They were told at the abortion clinics that there was only a mass of clotted blood growing inside them at the time. That is what I thought to, before I learned the truth.

In the past two years, we have saved 32 lives of innocent children. I know that number is small, but if I can save only one innocent life, I know that I have a purpose.

We are not only pro life, we are pro abstinence and pro birth control. I have 3 daughters. I do not want them to have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. Sex in teenagers is a fact. There are a lot of them who wait, but there are a lot of them who do not. Being in favor of birth control does not mean that I am encouraging someone to have sex. It means that I am being responsible and realistic. You see, I got pregnant at 17, and got married. My mother was not so open then about sex and birth control. Maybe if I had been using birth control I wouldn't have gotten pregnant so soon.

Araba Burke

Received June 1998
I was looking for pro-life information on the web when I found your web site and I would like to share a story with you. When I was 20 yrs. old I found out I was pregnant. When my doctor told me I was pregnant he asked me how I felt about abortion, I told him I didn't believe in it at all and he told me he felt the same way. He then proceeded to tell me I had just made the biggest mistake of my life and should consider abortion. He also told me I would probably have a miscarriage if I didn't get an abortion, because I would be under so much stress (he knew my parents and thought they would flip out).

Being told I was pregnant and in the same breath telling me to have an abortion or have a miscarriage was very difficult to manage. I have never believed in abortion but my doctor had me convinced there was no way I was going to have this baby. I told my boyfriend of 1 year I was pregnant, but told him we didn't need to tell our parents because I was going to have a miscarriage. For about 10 seconds we discussed having an abortion, and to this day I am still disgusted with my self for even considering it. We did end up telling our parents, or I should say he had to tell them because all I could do was cry. I wasn't crying because I didn't want the baby I was crying because I felt like I had let my parents down. I was raised in a strict Catholic home and I new my parents expected more of me. My mother locked herself in her room and cried for a week and my father (who I thought would have tried to kill my boyfriend) told me it was time to grow up and get ready to have a baby. I am now married and have a beautiful 22 mos. old little boy who is absolutely spoiled rotten by his grandparents. My husband and I are expecting our second child in September and could not be happier. Also, 3 mos. after I had Thomas I made a point of going into my doctor and showing him a picture of the little boy he told me I should kill. I wish I could show Thomas' picture to everyone who is considering abortion.

Angela Shawaryn

Received June 1998
I'm someone who now has to choose between an abortion or keeping the baby. I'm 24 this year and just found that I'm 6 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend of one year wants me to abort the baby, while I want to keep it. The issue now is how are we going to afford the baby? Who's going to look after it? How are we and my parents going to face others? etc. I personally have many misgivings about abortion, though not exactly sure of the complications involved. After reading your article about abortion and the Pro-Lifers, much light has been shed in this area. I now see my stand more clearly. Thought I'll drop you a note of appreciation. I really want to keep my baby, with or without my boyfriend. Life is precious, and it is growing in my stomach. Thank you.
Susan Seah
Received January 1998
Hi, I saw your "Choosing Life Over Abortion" page and l was hoping you would add my story. I am a 17 year old mother of a nearly 9 month old daughter. When I had first met my now fiancÚ, we didn't know how long we'd last together, but he hoped a while! A month and a half later we found out that I was pregnant. Now being a guy who doesn't understand how an abortion hurts a living unborn baby or *fetus*, he asked if I would have an abortion. I was only 15 at the time and he was 18. I was very rude in the way that l told him NO!, but I had seen pictures of aborted babies and the though of aborting a part of us both sickened me!! So he then asked if I would consider an adoption....I thought long and hard about it, but when my mother asked me the question "Would you really be able to give up a part of you after seeing him or her and hearing that child of yours cry?" I thought, WOW I don't think I could. My fiancÚ was very supportive when l told him I wanted to keep the baby, and has stayed by my side the entire time. We now live with my mother and she helps to care for our daughter, and she's a very happy baby. I am glad that I have such a supportive mother to depend on if I need to. I love being a mother even though the pregnancy was unplanned. And I have yet to think of my daughter as unwanted like most mother's my age do.
Received Summer, 1997
About six and a half years ago, my then 20 year old unmarried daughter came to my wife and I with the dreaded news... she was pregnant. We knew the father was a creep and would most likely be out of the picture. We were right as he took off within two months. We were all devastated but my wife and I knew that an abortion was out of the picture. My daughter considered it when she was most down but finally rejected the idea after my wife and I talked to her at great length. My daughter and granddaughter lived with us and everyone loved and cared for the baby. Then...four years ago my daughter gets pregnant AGAIN! I don't think she's a "slut" but I also don't think she's long on brains! Why she didn't learn her lesson we'll never know but the fact remained... she was pregnant again. She was absolutely destroyed. She thought her life was over. She seriously talked about an abortion but my wife and I again were able to talk her out of it. She insisted that she would never have any sort of "normal" life with two kids and, I think, actually considered suicide. Eventually our second grandchild was born a little over three years ago. We loved her and made the most of our ad-hoc family.

Three years ago my daughter met a Japanese golf pro. He had lost his two young daughters when his ex-wife abandoned them in Japan about five years ago. He loved my daughter and loved both the kids like his own. They were married two years ago and are now the happiest family I know. My daughter's husband is the resident golf pro at a local golf course and very successful. My daughter has a new car and they live in a beautiful condo on the beach. The kids are absolutely HAPPY.

When I think about what my daughter almost did and what so many young women actually DO when they are faced with what appear to be insurmountable odds, it really scares me. To think that the world could have been deprived of these two beautiful, happy children just because AT THE TIME things appeared hopeless! How many young women have made rash decisions that they later regretted? How many beautiful children has the world lost just because they were inconvenient?

The person who submitted this is well-known and asked to remain anonymous.

I was suppose to be an abortion. Luckily for me, my mother believed in the beauty of life. She was told her baby would be retarded and to bring such a life into the world would be cruel. She listened to her heart and God and went ahead and had me. I am now 18 and a straight A student. The doctors were wrong and it could've cost me my life. Thank you for this Web Site and your efforts. I appreciate it and will continue my support.
**share a smile**
Cynthia Hulst ssdssc@ncats.newaygo.mi.us
I am a 21 year old mother of 3 children, never been on welfare, and have been married to the father of all my children for 5 years. I got pregnant at 15, my then boyfriend, now husband, was 16, the 1st time. Yes, it was VERY unplanned, we did use birth control, and the test results were very UNWANTED, but my son is not unwanted and he has changed my life. My husband and I took responsibility for our actions. Our second was planned, but I don't love him anymore than the first, and my 3rd was a pleasant surprise (my little bunny girl). You addressed every issue well. I appreciate what you have to say and hope to use some of the things you had to say in the future. I consider myself a feminist, except on the abortion issue. Our rights only extend to our body, not someone else's!

Michelle shelybeme@aol.com

I have a daughter. I became pregnant at a very inconvenient time in my life. I had no real home, no money, no father to support the child, and little contact with my family. Most pro-choice people would say that this is a good situation for an abortion. However, I *chose* not to abort my daughter. My daughter was born 3 1/2 months early, weighing only 1 lb. 7 oz. It amazed me that the doctors were able to save her life and she is now a healthy 1 1/2 year old child. What amazed me even more is that the same medical technology that can save these premature babies can also kill them at the same stage in pregnancy. You cannot say anything that will convince me that my child was dead while in my womb and then alive after being born. I felt her move inside of me, heard her heartbeat. That is a living human being, unable to speak for herself, but with all of the same rights as any pregnant woman has. Incidentally, I placed my daughter for adoption and she is now in a very happy home, and my life has moved on. Yes, it was a difficult time for me, but I got through it and so can many other women. Women---find your inner strength, and use it!! I do not think that adoption is the *perfect* solution for every unexpected pregnancy, but I do know that it works well in many situations. The only other thing I have to say is that there is no such thing as an unwanted pregnancy. For every pregnant woman that does not want to be pregnant, there is a woman who would do anything to be able to have a child.

Jodie JodieH4@aol.com

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